While the World Sleeps

 While the world sleeps and shelters in to avoid this heinous disease that wraps its tentacles around the lives of those it touches, some of us are sitting by hopelessly with the knowledge that someone we love is indeed in the clutches of this terror.  I have never felt more helpless in my life. My brother Ted was infected with Covid-19 virus, and he was 1100 miles away from North Carolina in Texas. I am 76 years old and travelling in any fashion was not an option under the current lockdown rules, and besides that, I wouldn’t have been allowed to see him in the hospital if I was there. I am forced to rely on our shared faith in a heavenly father who hears our prayers. One thing that we believe is to “Hope” in God’s word and His Spirit leading us to believe that He is faithful and will hear our prayers. I have prayed with great hope, without ceasing, for Ted throughout this ordeal he is facing.

When I called him a few weeks ago he was already ill, telling me that he had been diagnosed with “walking pneumonia”. He had been to an emergency clinic near his home in Burleson, Texas and they had sent him home. Two days after I called, his wife Fay called to say that he had been admitted to a hospital on the SW side of Ft Worth because his blood sugar was highly elevated to almost 500 (Normal is 120-150) and his cough had not subsided. They administered a Covid-19 test kit and it came back on that Friday as positive. Fay had told him good-bye at the hospital door and was told that he couldn’t call out, so she, like the rest of us was isolated from contact with him.

After a couple of days I was able to get him on the phone in his room and we had a good talk. Same thing the next day and then it was another day before I spoke with him. His voice was weak and he was not happy with the treatment he was receiving, his cough was deep and raspy and he was not getting better. For some reason, the hospital had him in ICU, but not on a ventilator. I became genuinely concerned about his treatment and his recovery probability. The next day Fay advised that the hospital was going to release him and send him home for her to care for him.

That was a none-starter proposition for a multitude of reasons, some of which are.

1. Ted was still in need of constant care that only a hospital can deliver

2. Fay is in the highest risk category of catching this infectious disease

3. He had never been offered the use of a ventilator by the hospital.

4. Fay had recently suffered a major fall and was only barely recovered enough to be able to care for herself.

Fay’s daughter and Fay objected to his release and delayed the hospital for 3 days, after which, Ted was released without concurrence by the family, into the care of Fay in their home. She said they called and said, “He has been released and you need to come pick him up now”. She did and brought him to their home. He was still in need of major care and she quickly realized that she was not capable of meeting his needs. Ted was irrational in sound judgement and physically incontinent with his normal routine. He was having an extremely hard time breathing with excruciating pain and obviously in need of care that could not be provided at home. After calling Ted’s family doctor, he agreed and sent out an EMS team to take him to a different hospital the following morning. Subsequently, Fay was now quarantined to her home from exposure to a known Covid-19 victim, pending the results of a test kit in the future. (Miraculously her test came back negative)

Ted was immediately sedated and placed on a ventilator in the ICU. He has never recovered sufficiently to be removed completely from sedation or from the ventilator. This hospital was much better than the first, calling with updates to Fay twice a day, but they managed to commit a terrible fiasco. Fay’s daughter Julie called the hospital for her mom and the hospital misinterpreted her request to speak with Ted, and connected her to another patient with a similar name. This resulted in Fay thinking that she was talking to a conscious Ted even though he sounded groggy. She and Julie spoke to this wrong person and thought he sounded like Ted on drugs. He had been removed from the ventilator and moved to a step-down ICU ward in the hospital. When Fay shared this with the family, we were ecstatic and praising God for this miraculous improvement. In like manner, we were crushed to discover the error the following day and learn that Ted was still under sedation and still on the ventilator in ICU. The doctors and the hospital apologized profusely, but the damage was already done to the family. It was like a great burden had been lifted from your back, and then suddenly, been thrust back onto your shoulders. It was agonizing to all, but especially to Fay.

He had been on the ventilator for several days and the hospital tried to remove it and get him back to breathing on his own. He suffered a panic attack that led to a heart attack and they had to resuscitate him. His situation worsened and he was unable to even attempt removal of the ventilator without fear of another heart attack. Finally the family agreed to remove the ventilator and issued a DNR certificate. Within a day he lost his battle for life on this earth and stepped into  Heaven’s glory.

A kinder, gentler man I never knew, he was without guile, and pure of heart with all he met. He did not deserve the excruciatingly painful process that led to his demise, he did not deserve the agony, the mis-treatment, the mis-direction and the evil virus that accompanied his journey. But he did, and now he is gone. To a better place for sure and he surely will not suffer anymore. Ted was a wonderful man, respected by all and he will be forever loved.

He now sleeps without pain or suffering in a place far from this noisy place. God rest his soul in peace.

 My Friend

He’s not much of a conversationalist, actually he rarely speaks at all. But he is absolutely one of the most intense listeners I have ever encountered. He will lock his eyes onto yours and cock his head to pick up every word you speak. He hears every word you speak and eagerly awaits the next sound that comes from your mouth. I have found him to be virtually your shadow as he follows you intently. The look in his eye says,  

“I hear everything you say because everything you say is so important to me.”

Most of my friends are so busy or distracted that deep heartfelt conversations are rare. Not that what I have to say is so important, in fact, it is uncommon for my thoughts to be of any significant value. ‘The listener’ is completely responsive with me and literally hangs on my every word. He makes me feel as if my thoughts are important, and as though they have relevance. He soaks up my words and shows total appreciation for what I am telling him. I’ve only known him for three months, but he has become a fast friend. 

I feed him, I clothe him, I make his bed, I clean up his messes, his total care is dependent on me. He knows that and I think that is why he is such an ardent listener. He wants to please me and he dotes on anything I tell him. He has become my sounding board, my entertainer, my confidant and my most trusted companion. I can’t imagine him not being around to shadow my every move. I call him my buddy and he certainly is.

As a matter of fact his name is Buddy; when I adopted him they said his name was Zander but that name didn’t fit him at all, so I changed it. Buddy has natural instincts to chase rodents and to scare birds. The former is just what I hoped for but the latter becomes a problem because I photograph birds in my backyard. He is medium sized, weighing in at 30 pounds, but he has the heart of a giant gorilla when he is on point for a squirrel or chipmunk. He sees them through the glass door on the deck and makes a ruckus until I let him through the doggy door in the garage. Once in the yard he silently makes a beeline straight for the squirrels as he scares them up a tree. Did I mention that we have numerous squirrels who feed off the seeds that the birds knock to the ground. He is vigilant in his pursuit every time he blasts through the doggie door. He hasn’t caught one yet, but he has caused the chipmunks to be scarce in the yard.

Ten times a day we repeat this scenario and he always comes back in hungry. He eats only the flavor that he wants for the day. I put three different flavors in his bowl and one day he eats beef, the next chicken and sometimes lamb. If there is too much of the wrong flavor de jure, he picks the offending nuggets out of the bowl and scatters them on the floor. But he always curls up in one of the many beds he has and naps for long periods. Notwithstanding the fact that he follows me from room to room and curls up in one of his beds near wherever I am.

Dedication and anticipation of affection cause him to be ever at my side. I am not worthy of this high praise, but he is consumed in searching for opportunities to jump into my lap and snuggle up to my chest. He is almost irresistible were it not for his 30 pounds which causes my legs to grow weary. For his part, he will take any amount of lap time that I allow.

I have had many friends like him over the years, but he is truly the most devoted and charismatic that I have ever known. His big brown eyes search your face for a moment of recognition and the slightest chance for recognition. When you stoke his head and ears, pet his back and scratch his belly, he insists that you keep going, no matter how long you have been doing it. He leans his head against your chest and puts his paw on your arm to let you know that he is not through with your affection yet. 

Every morning he leaves his sleeping crate and dashes out the door to take care of his business. On cold mornings I light the gas logs while he is outside and when he returns inside, he plops on his bed in front of the fire and takes “secondzies” .(A serious nap to recover from the cold). He is not perfect but neither am I so we have become fast friends. I can honestly say I have never had a more loyal and trusting friend than Buddy, who truly is my buddy.

Buddy

Chewing up a Christmas toy (trying to remove the squeaker)

"Secondzies"

Standing guard on watch for squirrels

Finding the sunshine on a cold day

Beautiful

"Beautiful"

Sometimes in the silence

I can hear you sing

And feel your loving presence

Ever near

There's something strong between us

Like a force that I can't see

A bridge connecting us

Invisibly

I know that you are near me

Though we're far apart

I see your face before me everywhere

I know that you can hear me

When I'm calling from my heart

I know that you are always there

Sometimes I think that you must be

An angel passing through

There was never anyone

As beautiful as you

I know that you are with me

In everything I do

And follow every footstep

Of my way

You are my guardian angel

And you will forever be

The one who's always walking

Close to me

I miss you in the moonlight

And the morning sun

I miss you every hour

Of the day

There's never been a moon gone by

Without you on my mind

A part of you will always stay

Sometimes I think that you must be

An angel passing through

'Cause there was never anyone

As beautiful as you

Somehow I know that you must be

An angel passing through

Oh there was never anyone

As beautiful as you

Seasons come and seasons go

But you will always be

More than beautiful to me

You're more than beautiful to me

Written and sung by Brian Kennedy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2-3uJmJaa8

I wish that I had written this because it speaks for my heart, It was written and recorded by Secret Garden, one of Cheryl's favorite groups. I heard it for the first time today, Listen on the link above.

Perhaps Love

Perhaps Love

Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home

Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you through

Oh, love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don't know
Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it's cold outside
Or thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

Written by John Denver and recorded by John Denver and Placido Domingo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toYfeN0ACDw

If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

A Friend's Greeting

I'd like to be the sort of friend

 that you have been to me;

I'd like to be the help that you've been

     always glad to be;

I'd like to mean as much to you

     each minute of the day

As you have meant, old friend of mine,

     to me along the way.

  

I'd like to do the big things

     and the splendid things for you,

To brush the gray out of your skies

     and leave them only blue;

I'd like to say the kindly things

     that I so oft have heard,

And feel that I could rouse your soul

     the way that mine you've stirred.

 

I'd like to give back the joy

     that you have given me,

Yet that were wishing you a need

     I hope will never be;

I'd like to make you feel

     as rich as I, who travel on

Undaunted in the darkest hours

     with you to lean upon.

 

I'm wishing at this Christmas time

     that I could but repay

A portion of the gladness

     that you've strewn along the way;

And could I have one wish this year,

     this only would it be:

I'd like to be the sort of friend

     that you have been to me.

 

By Edgar A Guest

 

The last vestige of life

 As I was photographing birds this afternoon, this last vestige of Fall came into view and it struck a poignant chord in my heart. Life is short for every living thing and we share many traits that are often overlooked. This is the last leaf about to fall and join the thousands of others already scattered in the yard. Age, wind, weather and disease have beaten everything to the ground, not so unlike us. As we near the end of our brief tenure here on this earth, may we, like this season's final leaf, end it with a beautiful symbol of what once was. May we be remembered for all the joy we brought to others as they view the last vestige of our lives. Thinking of some beautiful loved ones who left us this past year.

My son David, my brother Ted and my sweet Cheryl all ended this season of life here on this earth during the past year, but a new season, or as scripture tells us, a new life begins for those who trust in Christ as their saviour. Unlike the leaves on the trees, our new season is eternal and it will be better than the one we experienced here on this earth. You know that life is brief but unlike the trees that will regenerate in the Spring, you will spend an eternity somewhere. I pray that somewhere is with your loved ones who have believed and are now experiencing the wonders and joy of Heaven. I pray that you look forward to that sweet reunion when we are reunited with those loved ones who have gone before us.

God bless you all.

The Titmouse's Prayer

 THE TITMOUSE'S PRAYER

Thank you Lord for this glorious day

For this cool drink I found on my way

Lord thanks for folks who seem to care.

There's always plenty of food to share

They provide me seeds that meet my need

And a few of those worms, what a treat indeed!

Thank you Lord for my wings to fly

That enable me to dart through the sky

I know you'll provide for all my needs

Like the poles in this yard that are full of seeds

And thank you for those human hands

Who fill the need of all that lands

(Overheard yesterday morning)

By DWar 2020 (no copying without permission from David Warbritton)